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  • Writer's pictureElla Wong

Compassion - Give Yourself Grace

Relationships aren't easy.  Our tendency when things aren't going well is to blame the other person or situation for causing our suffering. We think if the person who is causing our suffering changes their actions, our lives would be better.  If it was just that easy to wave a magic wand and change any situation this world would be... a wonderful place. 

We do need to change what's not working. Some of us may continue to blame the other person or situation which might help provide some relief or sense of satisfaction.  But what happens when we are not successful at changing those around us? The answer is simple, we turn the attention onto ourselves.

Mindset and compassion both play a critical role in how you handle life's challenges. It affects how you lead, manage, parent, and show up in relationships. We are all capable of a growth mindset when we focus more on the process than the outcome.   The process involves learning more about what's happening inside us, identifying the trigger, understanding, and bringing compassion to it.

During this pandemic we are all spending many hours of every day together.  Our children are home and also spending more time in front of a screen.  There are only so many pages of a workbook they are willing to do, books to read, ways to keep them entertained, and so many hours or miles we can walk or bike outside, before we have exhausted all the ways we spend time together. Not to mention it's also a matter of time before both parent and child need a break.   

As a parent, despite all the things I do over the course of the day or week, I still feel that sense of guilt that I could do more.  When my children are in front of a screen I think oh no, not again, aren't there other things you can do?  What I realize is I need a break.  We all need a break. Realizing what we need is part of how we can change our mindset.  Giving ourselves the grace for a break when we need it is how we bring compassion into our lives.   Compassion for our children means we understand they are doing the best they can given their situation. 

Social distancing doesn't allow for play dates. My children are staying connected with their friends through video games, zoom calls, texting, and even phone calls.  In our family we take social distancing very seriously.  Steps like wearing a mask, social distancing, and not getting together with people outside our nuclear family may feel like an inconvenience but it's the best way right now to protect our family, friends and neighbors.  

Compassion starts with the understanding that everyone you meet is fighting their own battle of which you know nothing. As we all know, we can’t control anyone else’s behavior, and we can’t make another person want to or be able to change. But we can always make the choice to choose compassion and respect the choices everyone makes.

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